they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
