i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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