I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
