brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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