It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize