do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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