No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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