Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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