Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
