This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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