farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
