I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
