Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
