A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
