I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
