I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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