Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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