So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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