If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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