I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
ok first of all what the fuck
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
