i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
