he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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