apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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