i don't like sucking hair
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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