is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
