Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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