I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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