oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
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