So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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