If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
