saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
