There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
