you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
