1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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