so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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