He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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