I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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