My room smells like vodka and shame
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
