So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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