This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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