he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
