So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
