I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
