Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
