I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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