If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
