I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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