i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
