I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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The struggles of a small town man whore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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