i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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