ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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