I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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