all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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