Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
