I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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