Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
