she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
