i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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