TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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